I'm Just A Dreamer - Part Two

A couple of months ago I told you about my dream in a blog post. My precious little dream that I had so cruelly locked away in a little dusty jar, lid closed so tightly you'd need a screwdriver to open it. But I did. I did open the lid and I took the leap of faith, out in the wild and unknown world of commercial TV. It is a strange world that doesn't make any sense to me. What you see on TV, naturally, is totally different from the reality. Mostly, we sit around waiting for things to happen. And we walk. A lot. My friend called me during the shooting and asked me how it was going. I told her I will be a pro at walking after this competition. I might not sing any better, but I'll sure know how to walk. They are shooting us from every possible angle, walking here and there, it all seems silly. So far away from the what I came here to do. But I do not despair, I knew my dream would need a lot of work and I'll walk a week straight for them if that's what it takes.

Waiting...

It all started when I was a kid. Like any other kid, I'd pick up my moms hairbrush and sing in it like it was a microphone, stand in front of the mirror, waggling my hips to the beat of an imaginative beat, performing to an imaginative audience who was imaginatively chanting my name like a choir. I decided I was going to be a rock star.


After waiting (and walking) for many, many, many hours, it's finally my turn. It only takes a few minutes and then it's over. A few minutes and I'm on the tram on my way to the train station to catch a train with my mum and her husband. It feels surreal, like it didn't really even happen. But it did. I am reminded of this when I see myself on TV a few months later. It's the strangest feeling, and not one I particularly enjoy. I'd rather turn off the TV, not watch it at all. Nonetheless, I do watch, together with 630 000 others. The amount of messages and Facebook comments overwhelms me. It's crazy how people get involved, how they want me to succeed. Even people I've never met. It is one of the nicest feelings, people caring even when they have no reason to do so.

There's just something about drinking cognac out of a plastic mug. On the train. With your mum. After performing to four hard core musicians...

This all happened a few months ago. A few days from now, on Friday 7th to be more specific, it's time for the next challange, the next leap of faith. It will be the second time I get on the stage in front of the judges, but this time only one person will make the cut. My coach, Mira Luoti, is (or I guess was since the band did their last show only a few months ago) part of a well known Finnish duo called PMMP. She alone will decide my faith, she alone will decide whether I continue in the competition or not. The pressure is on, but I must say it's not half as bad as I would have thought. I must say, this time around my heart is not beating quite as hard, my hands aren't shaking and my head feels calm. Why?

Team Mira! <3

I have already gotten far more from this experience then I ever thought possible. I have met people I would otherwise never have met, done things I would never have done and learned things I would never have learned. There is a strange feeling of serenity to the situation, regardless of the craziness of it. For me the most important thing are the people, and no I'm not talking about celebrities. I've never been one to much care for if someone is famous or not. People interest me more for who they are then for what they do. Some people interest me also for what they do, but "moviestar" or "rock star" is usually not of interest. The people that I get to share this experience with are remarkable. There is something very special in a room with 20 singers, all singing the same song while someone plays the guitar. The variety of voices, notes and sounds is enchanting. Or partying with new found friends at the sleazy karaoke bar. Smiling till my cheeks hurt. It all sounds like a cliche, but I don't even care. These people are my family, even if just for a few days. In a way I have already won.

But how will the story end? Will it end at all? Below you can see a glass. This time not a plastic one. Only one question remains, and that is whether it is a drink to celebrate or to numb away disappointment. Stay tuned and I'll let you know!