So Christmas is in a couple of weeks. Hur-facking-ray. You may not be surprised to learn that I'm not really what you would call a Christmas person. Christmas songs in November, oh just kill me now. Cleaning the house for Christmas, because you can't clean the house in March? Buying presents for more than you can ever afford, really?
Have a holly jolly Christmas, It's the best time of the year
Oh shut up Michael Bublé, changing the CD to Wu-Tang Clan. Because I'm a badass. Here's a Christmas song for ya with some a-tude, happy B-day Jesus!
It's not really that I don't like Christmas, I actually like the idea of sitting down to spend time with your loved ones, forgetting all about work (if you have the luxury of not working on Christmas, I have worked oh so many times) and watching candles flicker in the dark. I don't mind baking gingerbread and eating the dough 'til my stomach hurts. I don't mind decorating the Christmas tree (even though I'm allergic too them and we've only had plastic trees for the last many years). So what is it about Christmas that I so despise?
Before I answer this gut-wrenching question, let me tell you what I did today. I was at my apartment that is currently a mess of concrete floors, broken walls, lacking everything that makes a place liveable. We were working on making it closer to liveable with my paps and suddenly it came to me: it doesn't matter what the inside looks like, what really matters is what floor tiles I choose, what extravagant wallpaper I put up, what expensive lamps I buy. The only thing that matters is the outside, the shell, what is visible to the eye.
If you took the time to read my last post you might wonder how I can, on the one hand, write that longer lashes don't matter when you are living on a waste dump and, on the other hand, write that the only thing that matters is how it looks on the outside. Because that is the truth, whether I like it or not. And here you have the answer to the earlier question. Why do I loath Christmas? People. People is the reason I don'l like Christmas. Or more accurately, what people do.
People want to show off their best sides. This is a fact. They only let you see what they want you to see. The same goes for apartments and Christmas. We want to make it look good. Buying a lot of presents tells others that you have the money to do it. Hence, you are successful (or you might also just be a really nice person that is very giving, mostly I would say it's a combination of the two). The more you buy, the better. And the stores are happy as ever, Holly Jolly Christmas, buy all of our shit! Perhaps one reason we like reality TV so much is because we then see the true colors of people. It's impossible to keep up a facade 24/7.
"My nipples won't stay in my shirt" and "my vagina's killing me" says Snooki from Jersey Shore who's probably a really smart person in real life.
Thank you Santigold for these beautiful words! As Aretha would put it, R E S P E C T. But back to my question, why I sneer at Christmas. I told you it was people, but I think it's more society than people. Personally I feel society has forgotten what Christmas is really about. See, it's not about the presents and the food and gingerbread (okay, it's a little bit about the food and the gingerbread), it's about spending time with the people you love. It's about taking time out of your busy life to sit down and do nothing. It's about remembering to forget stress, not stressing about what you've forgotten.
I know kids love presents, I'm not saying you can't buy presents. This is just a reminder to You, yeah I'm looking at You, to take a chill pill. Last year I gave my family members letters, nothing else. Well okay, I also gave my sister a glove I had accidentally stole from her, but that's IT. I promise. So this Christmas, instead of stressing about food, cleaning and presents with red bows, focus on giving the best gift you can ever give: time. Give time to your friends, give time to your family and, most importantly, give time to yourself. Don't let society make you who you are, make society what you are. Giving is never wrong, but giving isn't always about buying the most expensive present, giving can be so many things. This year I'm continuing my new tradition of giving nothing. I'm gonna spend time with family, I'm gonna eat lots of chocolate and gingerbread, I'm not making one single red bow, using no wrapping paper and instead of Michael Bublé, I'll be singing Merry Fucking Christmas by Mr Garrison.
Yet again, hoping I haven't depressed you to the brink of X-mas suicide, Christmas is really not all bad. Look, even I get excited about big red balls. But then again, who wouldn't?
Last but not least, Merry Fucking Christmas bitches! Red Balls over and out.
Have a holly jolly Christmas, It's the best time of the year
Oh shut up Michael Bublé, changing the CD to Wu-Tang Clan. Because I'm a badass. Here's a Christmas song for ya with some a-tude, happy B-day Jesus!
It's not really that I don't like Christmas, I actually like the idea of sitting down to spend time with your loved ones, forgetting all about work (if you have the luxury of not working on Christmas, I have worked oh so many times) and watching candles flicker in the dark. I don't mind baking gingerbread and eating the dough 'til my stomach hurts. I don't mind decorating the Christmas tree (even though I'm allergic too them and we've only had plastic trees for the last many years). So what is it about Christmas that I so despise?
 |
| Christmas Russia style. I spent Christmas with these East European badasses in the city that never sleeps. Best. Christmas. Ever. (PS. these dudes were super nice even though they might look like they be packing a Glock 38) |
Before I answer this gut-wrenching question, let me tell you what I did today. I was at my apartment that is currently a mess of concrete floors, broken walls, lacking everything that makes a place liveable. We were working on making it closer to liveable with my paps and suddenly it came to me: it doesn't matter what the inside looks like, what really matters is what floor tiles I choose, what extravagant wallpaper I put up, what expensive lamps I buy. The only thing that matters is the outside, the shell, what is visible to the eye.
 |
| I'm proud of the interior design in my apartment, especially of the expensive lamp. The colors I also think are very nice, concrete grey is the new black, I hear. |
If you took the time to read my last post you might wonder how I can, on the one hand, write that longer lashes don't matter when you are living on a waste dump and, on the other hand, write that the only thing that matters is how it looks on the outside. Because that is the truth, whether I like it or not. And here you have the answer to the earlier question. Why do I loath Christmas? People. People is the reason I don'l like Christmas. Or more accurately, what people do.
People want to show off their best sides. This is a fact. They only let you see what they want you to see. The same goes for apartments and Christmas. We want to make it look good. Buying a lot of presents tells others that you have the money to do it. Hence, you are successful (or you might also just be a really nice person that is very giving, mostly I would say it's a combination of the two). The more you buy, the better. And the stores are happy as ever, Holly Jolly Christmas, buy all of our shit! Perhaps one reason we like reality TV so much is because we then see the true colors of people. It's impossible to keep up a facade 24/7.
"My nipples won't stay in my shirt" and "my vagina's killing me" says Snooki from Jersey Shore who's probably a really smart person in real life.
 |
| Look at these hoes and whatever the term is for man-hoes. I am certain these are all wonderful and intelligent people that I can learn to respect and look up to. I would also love for all kids to watch this show, it probably teaches a lot about a lot of stuff that is, like, really super important. |
Look at these pros.
Look at these clothes.
Look at this dough.
Look at this go, looking evil.
Look at me then look at these hoes.
These bitches ain't fucking with me. Killa!
Thank you Santigold for these beautiful words! As Aretha would put it, R E S P E C T. But back to my question, why I sneer at Christmas. I told you it was people, but I think it's more society than people. Personally I feel society has forgotten what Christmas is really about. See, it's not about the presents and the food and gingerbread (okay, it's a little bit about the food and the gingerbread), it's about spending time with the people you love. It's about taking time out of your busy life to sit down and do nothing. It's about remembering to forget stress, not stressing about what you've forgotten.
 |
| This pic is from last Christmas. My eyes are a little red from all the Christmas beer I drank. Sorry 'bout that. |
I know kids love presents, I'm not saying you can't buy presents. This is just a reminder to You, yeah I'm looking at You, to take a chill pill. Last year I gave my family members letters, nothing else. Well okay, I also gave my sister a glove I had accidentally stole from her, but that's IT. I promise. So this Christmas, instead of stressing about food, cleaning and presents with red bows, focus on giving the best gift you can ever give: time. Give time to your friends, give time to your family and, most importantly, give time to yourself. Don't let society make you who you are, make society what you are. Giving is never wrong, but giving isn't always about buying the most expensive present, giving can be so many things. This year I'm continuing my new tradition of giving nothing. I'm gonna spend time with family, I'm gonna eat lots of chocolate and gingerbread, I'm not making one single red bow, using no wrapping paper and instead of Michael Bublé, I'll be singing Merry Fucking Christmas by Mr Garrison.
Yet again, hoping I haven't depressed you to the brink of X-mas suicide, Christmas is really not all bad. Look, even I get excited about big red balls. But then again, who wouldn't?
Last but not least, Merry Fucking Christmas bitches! Red Balls over and out.
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